Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
