My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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