sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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