Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
