So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
