but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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