I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
