im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Its about making memories worth repressing
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
