i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
