Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
