hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
