the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
