note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
