I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
