oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
