I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Plan B is the new Plan A
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
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