after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
