What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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