Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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