So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
