Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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