I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
