when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
