i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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