I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
