I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
