So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
