I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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