i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
