Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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