I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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