this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
