Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
