ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i already hear my dad disowning me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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