One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So here I am, sexting at work.
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