So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
