Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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