This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
