Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
