That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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