my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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