Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
