Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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