i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
smell my finger.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
