Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
