sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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