Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When did angry sex become our thing?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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