I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
