i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
