I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
